Old apartment on Porcelaenshaven
The flower gardens at Den Gamle By
On the ferry to Jylland--quite a breeze!
Farewell dinner with the Brookes
Kære Familie, Sunday,
August 28, 2016
It is late as I start this letter on Sunday night, about
11:00 pm. My eyes are already heavy so I
don’t know how long I will last tonight in writing. We have just returned from a UV fireside with
a representative from Family Services for Northern Europe based in Frankfurt
Germany. Elder and Sister Matheson are
from Provo UT. We had to provide a
dinner for all the UV’s so Mom made 4 crock pots of Park City Stew, a huge salad,
6 dozen homemade rolls and 2 dozen cookies.
One other girl brought cookies as well, but other than that we didn’t
get any help, except setting up some tables and chairs. We
hope they will organize a Food Committee again so we have some steady assigned
youth to turn to for some help. Self-reliance
applies in all areas, right?
So it is now Monday. My sleepy eyes did not get very
far last night before I fell asleep on the couch, though I did sort of make it
through a 30-minute FaceTime with Jared’s family. He kept hinting that there was a juicy letter
coming but we hadn’t received it yet, so of course I had to read it first thing
this morning. No exercise or personal
study – letter first. I did wake up and go to bed about 4:00 am, with a quick
note to Lindsey responding to her letter.
She asked me what I was doing up at 4:00 am. Mom was wondering or questioning the same
thing. Of course I woke her up in my
stretching. Never good to wake up ‘mama
bear’ before the alarm goes off, but she was very kind to me.
So now my dilemma, having just devoured and laughed through
Jared’s epistle, how to be witty, interesting, informing and spiritual all at
the same time. It is so hard to stay up
with that boy!
We had to leave at 8:00 am this morning to do 2 apartment checks. They were a 30
minute and 60 min drive away and we just got home. We kind of enjoy these apartment
checks. It is nice to see the
missionaries in their natural habitat and to see what kind of apartments they
live in. They are all distinctive and
some are much nicer than others. The 2
today were out in the country and in a much smaller town where Kronberg castle
is. This time around, the elders’
apartment was much cleaner than the sisters.
They had defrosted the freezer but hadn’t looked in the oven and mom had
to show them how to clean it. The
sisters on the other hand, were just a bit messier, the freezer had so much
frost that 1 of 3 drawers was frozen shut with ice, and there was quite a bit of
calc buildup around the faucets. I had
pity on them and did some cleaning and then showed them what I had done and
requested that they do it at least once a month. We then had to find stores for some light
bulbs, 2 bath rugs, some hand towels, a corner standing light and some bath
towel racks. We could not find the
latter 2 items after searching several stores and a small mall. We will have to buy those in Copenhagen and
arrange to get them to them. We also
delivered a table to use as a desk for the elders. These missionaries are so grateful for the
small improvements that we make that it makes us feel like saints. For example, the elders had a very dark
bathroom because a fluorescent light has been burned out the whole time they
both have been there. There was only 1
working light in the bathroom which is by the shower almost in another
room. So the sink area is very dark when
it is dark outside. I found a
replacement bulb to purchase and put it in for them and voila, there is light
over the sink. Amazing. They are so happy.
The hall light was also burned out.
I suggested they change it, they had spare bulbs for it, and voila, once
again light! Please tell me that our 3
missionary children could change a light bulb and keep a clean apartment. I shudder to think that a senior missionary
couple or a maid (Philippines) had to clean up for you. I would be so
embarrassed that you were not better than some of these missionaries.
A word on the weather because it sounds like Houston has
been sweltering. I am in heaven while
mom is cold more often than not. Our
highs have been 68 to 72 degrees for the last couple of weeks with lows 57
-62. There is almost no humidity so I
find it wonderful. We keep our windows
open at night and get some very refreshing breezes, (but also some loud noises
from some of the neighbors). The downside is that the only building we have
found with air conditioning is the temple, so other places can get very
warm. For instance, the church building
yesterday with all the people in it was hot and I kept my coat off all day
long.
Some contrasts between our 2 apartments so far. Mom says she
has mentioned the cleaning that is an ongoing process. I guess my above comments on missionary
cleanliness also apply to seniors. This
apartment has been neglected for a while (owned by the church for quite a few
years) and our last apartment had all of the issues we have talked about (new
leased apartment by the church so the prior tenants were not very caring). I guess we have a sense a responsibility and
stewardship not shared by everyone. But
we are going to be here for the next 20 months (most likely) so we think of it
as our home. I want to dejunk so it feels like ours and I want to fix two
broken drawers, add a medicine cabinet in the bathroom and get a new shower
head. Maybe some other improvements will
surface as well as we get used to it. I
don’t mind paying for some of these things as it will make life more
comfortable. This apartment is a 20-minute walk to the UV
center, which is the primary reason we are here now. The Buxton’s live above us and it will be
very nice to have them as neighbors. We
really like them. They go home next
April and only have an 18-month mission.
Our CPR cards came through this week and we were able to get
officially registered with the Commune.
That means that we are now considered residents (only 6 months at first
but we can extend for up to 3 years) and we qualify for a library card, free
health care and we can sign up for free language lessons. We are going to check that out. We think the next classes start in October
and we are hopeful they have some daytime classes that will meet our
schedule. I also have to take a language
test within the next 3 months and if I don’t pass, we have to leave the
country. Mom for some reason does not
need to take the test. No missionaries
ever fail it, so it is not that hard but I will have to do some specific study
for it around Danish culture, political affairs and social programs, etc.
On Thursday, we spent the day
cleaning the old apartment, registering with the commune and at District
meeting. We had a couple of hours
before Institute and we spent them with a late lunch/ dinner, Jean making
cookies for refreshments while I prepared a lesson. Brother Anderson called to
say he would not be there, but had assigned a YM to teach but wanted us to be
prepared just in case. Kasper did come
and was prepared so my efforts were personally rewarding but not needed in
class. I was kind of disappointed that I
did not teach as it was a good lesson on the Atonement that emphasized Alma 7
and the reach of the Atonement way beyond just physical and spiritual
death. He took upon himself all of our
pains and suffering so that he can succor us when we need it the most, having
descended below all things. I think we
often lose sight of just how much we need the grace of the atonement to help us
deal with every-day living.
District meeting for both
Districts was around working with members. In Fredriksberg, the DL asked us
beforehand if could share some experiences about how missionaries can build
trust with members. Our 25 years of
feeding missionaries once a month has given us some experiences and perspective
to share. They prepared a good list of
do's and don’ts in building trust that should help them be better with engaging
with members in missionary work.
I will end with a quick
summary of Elder Matheson’s fireside with the YSA’s.
The Church does not know what
to do with singles. This is a family
church and singles do not fit in. Pres. Hinckley does not like the term "single". It is too broad a brush for all the people
who may not be currently married.
What we need to know is that
the church is true. Joseph Smith
experienced the sacred grove. Everything
else comes from that and so our faith needs to be strong as we grip the iron
rod continually. As things change, such as the recent announcement about children
of same-sex couples, and they have questions about doctrine or church
positions, they just need to cling to their faith and testimonies and trust
that Christ is directing His church.
Who taught us about what we
should look for in a spouse? Could our criteria be wrong?
If we don't know what we are
looking for and how to recognize it, then we will never find it. How do we know someone is kind, patient,
loving, honest, faithful, etc.? They
better be sure they are getting to know someone’s true nature.
The past influences us but we
can't let it define our now and future.
Take the power back, empower ourselves.
Don't give power to anyone who has abused us in any way.
2 Ne 9: 41 the path is
narrow. The keeper of the gate is the
holy one of Israel.
Stop using self-deception as
a tool to avoid fixing our problems.
We each can work on
Christ–like attributes while we are single. That is indeed the best time to
work on becoming a better self. Waiting
until we are married to improve is the exact wrong approach.
When we compare our self to
another person, we usually are comparing their best with a weakness that we
have. Sterling Sill said to give what you
think is your best and then add 10%. Be
honest but also not too tough on yourself.
Our best can change with our current circumstances.
You are a peach so stop
looking for a mate in the lemon orchard.
Fill a page with character
traits that are important to you. Then
pick 5 that are non-negotiable. These could be traits such as chaste, honest,
church, kind, good father. etc.
They might be different for
everyone. Everything else is
negotiable.
A temper is a learned
behavior in order to control others. It
can be controlled. It is actually a sign
of weakness and a lack of self-mastery.
Don't marry projects. Don't own their problems. If flags are waving, they have to be fixed
before you go forward. Most flags keep
on waving after marriage and the changes don 't happen.
Being single is
comfortable. Being married in our day
seems very risky. Therefore, the easy
way is to remain single and have a good time hanging out with friends of both
sexes. The typical YM needs to step it
up a bit and be more actively engaged in dating and courting. Marriage should not be put off for school,
money, a job, etc. Be ready to act when
the opportunity is there.
If you have been abused, don't
pretend that something awful didn't happen, it did. But move on in spite of
it. Take the Elizabeth Smart approach.
Make something beautiful of your life with the Lord's help. Our past need not define who we are and who
we will become.
I am looking forward to your letters, posts, etc. Sorry we did not Facetime much last week.
Moving apartments took a lot of time and ate up the better part of 3 days. Yesterday was a crazy sort of a day and we
were only home long enough to prepare the food for dinner and then clean
up. Not a good way to keep the Sabbath
in my opinion, but when I suggested that it might not be appropriate to have a
meal on Sunday before a Fireside, they said many of the youth would not have a
chance to eat because of the distances they had to travel after church to get
to the fireside. I guess it was our way
to serve them.
Have a great week. We
love you all.
Love, Dad.
Kære Familie, August 28,
2016
Our week has been full of moving, cleaning and cooking. Throw a little missionary work, temple
service and sight-seeing and you pretty much sum up the week. The highlights of the week were certainly
seeing ‘The Balloon Pop Polka’ played by my grandchildren, and 2 firesides by
Elder Matheson, a Family Services missionary here in the European Area. I really miss seeing the various activities
my grandchildren are doing, so I am particularly grateful when you capture
those moments on video and send them to me.
It certainly brought tears of joy to watch them perform.
Elder and Sister Matheson are serving a 23-month mission out
of Frankfurt, Germany, where the European Area offices are located. The couple we report to—who are over all YSA--are
also serving in Frankfurt. Elder
Matheson was a marriage and family counselor for the church for many years and
then had a private practice for the last 10 years or so. He retired right before coming on a
mission. They have been married for 51
years so they must be in their 70’s. He
spoke to the adults in the stake on Saturday night on improving marriages. The young adults got a different fireside on
Sunday night. We were fortunate enough
to attend both. And, because Elder
Matheson only speaks English, we were able to fully understand the
fireside.
You would think that after 40 years of marriage, we would be
able to have this marriage thing all figured out, but we were grateful for the
words of counsel we heard and to be reminded of things we know we should be
doing better. Elder Matheson began by
asking of all the billions of people on the earth, how many are alike? Of course none of them are. So by definition we marry someone who is
different that we are. He also said that
perpetual problems make up 69% of the problems in marriage—meaning things that
are never addressed and resolved. That
statistic is glaringly disturbing in itself.
The goal in marriage is not to
think alike but to think together.
So you have two people who come from different backgrounds—one family
mixed the spaghetti sauce in the noodles and one family served them separately. So
when the wife makes spaghetti, how should she do it? Who is right?
What is your goal when you have differences—to win? To be right? Do you pressure, shame or guilt the other
spouse into seeing it your way? Or does
that other person just give in? He asked
a man in counseling to give him the percentage of the times he is right or
‘won’ in the marriage. The man was pretty
confident—’95-98% of the time,’ he said.
That means that the wife was only ‘right’ 2% of the time. Is that what we want for our partner? Do we want to be married to someone who is
only ‘right’ 2% of the time? Obviously,
there are flaws to this way of thinking.
The question we need to ask ourselves is ‘why do we always have to be
right?’ Those thoughts are the
adversary’s influence. President Benson
said, ‘Spiritual growth comes from solving problems together, not by running
from them.’
So another question is ‘can we change?’ And the answer is ‘absolutely’. There is a lot of talk about ‘nature’ vs.
‘nurture,’ and which one has the greatest influence on who we are. The
world uses one or the other of these things as reasons (or excuses) of why man
does what he does. But what the world doesn’t consider is that we
lived a lot longer in the spirit world than we ever will live in this one. What about the influences of our life there? What did we bring with us into this
world? Elder Matheson believes we can
change—we don’t have to look for excuses why we can’t. What stops us from changing? Both pride and discouragement are strategies
of the adversary and are resistant to change.
We need to learn from the past, not live in it. History does not have to determine
destiny. Elder Matheson said he believes
that some people are specifically sent to some families to be
‘cycle-breakers’—meaning you don’t have to be the same as your parent, or
ancestors (if there was a bad example).
We are at choice to determine what influence the past will do to
us. If something has happened that
wasn’t a good experience—such as abuse—you should not let that determine your
future. Get over it and put it behind
you. Elder Holland said, ‘You can change
anything you want to change and you can do it fast. But then you should spend the rest of your
life proving your repentance and its permanence.’ That is why an alcoholic can never take another
drink. He doesn’t know at what quantity
of alcohol puts him over the edge, so he can’t take even one drink. He spends the rest of his life proving the
permanence of the change he made.
A couple of more tidbits:
·
If you would be more concerned about the comfort
and happiness of your spouse, you would have a good marriage. (Paraphrased from President Hinckley)
·
Love can grow again from the same root stalk,
meaning you can build love again because the root is still there
·
How to avoid divorce: stay married, stay worthy, be repentant, be
prayerful and be forgiving.
·
Focus on the effort someone makes and not the
outcome
·
Don’t wait for a crisis to happen to do what we
should be doing all along (i.e., don’t wait for the death of a loved one to
spend more time with your family; don’t wait for an illness to show kindness)
On Monday we drove to the tip of the island where we live to
catch a ferry over to the other big island, Jylland. We were on official mission business as we
were transporting mail, packages and supplies to the other side of the mission. All this was supposed to happen the week
before at Zone Conference but the AP’s somehow forgot to take it with
them. The couple in Århus (second
biggest city in Denmark) was going to make apartment inspections starting on
Tuesday, so if they had the mail and supplies before then, they could deliver
it. Therefore, we got up early so we
could catch the 8:20 ferry. It was about
a 90-minute drive to the ferry and a 75-minute ride on the ferry. It is cheaper if you buy your ferry tickets
in advance—no freebee here—so with ticket in hand, we left before 6:30 because
we didn’t want to miss our ride. The
round trip ferry ride was about $150.
I’m not sure you can justify the cost, but we enjoyed the chance to get out
of the city and see some new country.
And while we were there, we did some site-seeing in Århus. We went to Den Gamle By, which means The Old
City. It is a living history outdoor
museum. Old homes have been relocated to
this spot and set up as a small village.
As you walk around to see the different houses, you are greeted by
people in period costumes, doing whatever they would be have been doing in the
1700 and 1800’s. It reminded me a little
bit of Nauvoo. There were homes and
shops, gardens and wood carvings. There
were people sawing logs (the old fashioned way) to make timbers for a
house. There were also some displays and homes from
the early 1900’s—old-fashioned cars and bicycles. But probably the most interesting section of
the city was the shops and homes depicting 1974. It was a step back in time to see my era—of
course it was the European slant to my era.
That hippie and ‘free love’ time period is now a historical era. Not a particularly stellar time.
We made it back just in time to go to FHE, which was
volleyball at the church. Dad really
wanted to play, so when a YA asked him if he wanted to join in, he was more
than willing. He held his own and
surprised even himself with his saves and set-ups. There was a good turn-out, but mostly
boys. We couldn’t find a volleyball, so
they played with a children’s play-ball.
It was okay, but next time we will make sure there is a volleyball to
play with.
We said good-bye to the Brookes on Tuesday night. They hosted a farewell dinner at their
apartment. We have only known them for
two months, but during that time, they have become very dear to us. Because they welcomed us, as strangers, into
their home for two weeks and helped us adjust to a new culture, we will be
forever in their debt. They included us
in all their activities and befriended us completely. They left early Wednesday morning—didn’t even
go to bed on Tuesday night because they left for the airport at 3 a.m. Their reunion with their 9 children and 26? grandchildren
was joyous. They did a work here in
Denmark that might be considered tedious, but they did it with love and a
desire to see that these Danish records could be available for further
genealogical research. They digitized
thousands of records which will eventually be indexed. They spent 7 hours a day in the basement of a
city hall photographing old records. They
didn’t have to wear ‘missionary attire’ and didn’t even wear a missionary
badge. Their badge said ‘Family
Search.’ They loved their mission and we
will miss them.
On Wednesday we had the
mission van with us for the day so we went home and loaded up our stuff from
the old apartment and moved it into our new place. We spent the rest of the day moving and
unpacking and cleaning. This apartment
has been used by numerous couples and has accumulated a lot of stuff. The last two couples to live here were
‘short-timers’ of less than 6 months, so they didn’t do anything with the
‘stuff’ or try to declutter. As you
know, Dad hates clutter. He has been
even more diligent than I have in going through every drawer, closet, nook, and
cranny. It will take a while to do it,
but he is determined. He found two
drawers that are missing one of the sliders so they don’t really open very
well. He is anxious to go to the hardware
store to get something to fix them. He
had the office elders removed 4 snow tires that have been under the bed for who
knows how long. No one even know to what
car they go. There were 4-5 different
first aid kits—I think there is enough ibuprofen for the whole mission in our
apartment. There are several tool boxes,
lots of old cleaning supplies, old towels, comforters, etc. No one wanted to throw out the old, but when
they came in, they purchased new things.
We have been giving a lot away to the Red Cross which has a box close to
our apartment. The Brookes also left a
lot of food (some of it may have been left by the previous occupants). Their freezer was so full, there was not room
for the stuff I had in the freezer from our old apartment. The kitchen has been my domain. I went through all the food and kept what we
would eat, threw away anything that was old, and took the edible items (which I
won’t use like Mexican hot pesto) to district meeting. There were also some packages of beef jerky and
sunflower seeds. Those items went very
fast. The only thing I couldn’t get rid
of was the coconut milk. So I guess I
should use it. All in all, we are making
our new apartment our own, and hopefully will make it better for the next
person. Did I mention cleaning? Yes, there is a lot of cleaning to be done—we
are thoroughly spring cleaning. This is
on top of the thorough cleaning we gave our old apartment. I even defrosted the freezer (no
self-defrosting freezers in these apartments), only to come to the new
apartment and have to defrost this one as well.
Once I did that, though, there was more room for food, so it was worth
it. (Have I ever mentioned how much I
dislike defrosting freezers????)
The other thing I have learned about dad is that he hates
the calc buildup that we have here because of hard water. He has been attacking every faucet, sink and
shower and giving it a thorough cleaning.
This takes time, the use of chemicals, scrubbing and chipping away the
hard build-up. He does a great job. We do a lot of this when we inspect
missionary apartments—showing them what can be done with a little effort. The trick is to keep it clean and not let it
get built up in the first place. Maybe
it just wasn’t as important to the other couples living here as it was to
us. So our house is a work in progress.
Finally, I made dinner for the Young Adults on Sunday night
before the fireside. I was trying to
think of something that would be easy to do on Sunday. We don’t get out of church until 3:30 and
would have to be back at the church by 5:00 to set up. So I decided to make use of crock pots. I was able to find 3 other crock pots besides
my own and I made Park City Stew. I
could make that first thing Sunday morning and it would be ready to eat that
evening. I even took two of the crock
pots to church with me the first time and plugged them in to cook in the
kitchen. That made transportation of the
rest of the food easier on our second trip to the church. We shopped on Saturday morning and then I
made homemade rolls (6 dozen) and about 8 dozen cookies on Saturday afternoon. (I didn’t use all the cookies for the
fireside—I froze some for apartment inspections. Other YSA’s signed up to bring
cookies—but then only one other person did.) The hardest part was finding
enough Campbell’s soup and tomato sauce.
There was one package of Onion Soup mix—bless that soul whoever left it
here—which I divided among the 4 crock pots.
There even were some bay leaves among the spices here. The dinner went well. We fed about 32 people (I had planned for at
least 40 so I had almost 1 crockpot of stew left over.) My biggest worry was that they wouldn’t like
it, but it appeared that most did. I
also had green salad. They don’t really
have bagged salad greens so I cut up lettuce.
So on to the next dinner which is Thursday night. The YSA leaders are working on reorganizing
the food committee, so I should get some help from the other YSA’s.
Sorry it is so long. Hope everyone has a good week,
especially those getting ready for vacation—that is always so much fun! Much love to you all.
Med kærlighed,
Mom
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