Funeral Pictures
Kære Familie, 16 July 2017
We had a beautiful day in Copenhagen yesterday. One Dane described it as the kind of day that only comes once a year—sunny blue skies, and temperatures in the low seventies. I didn’t believe it—until today. We have had drizzling rain all day and the temperature is only 61˚. It is quite a contrast from yesterday. But I think the heavens smiled on the family of Kirsten Meilsøe as they buried their mother and grandmother, and provided the perfect day. I have mentioned Søster Meilsøe many times in my letters. She is the grandmother of one of our active young adults—Lea Meilsøe. I have seen her each week in the temple and she attends the other ward that meets in our building (and often came to our ward where her two daughters attend). She presented one of the workshops at the Stake RS conference in March, and was a positive and fun-loving person. She always had a smile on her face and warmly greeted everyone. She was the epitome of faithfulness in all things. I couldn’t help but admire her. I saw her in the temple on Friday (July 7th) and neighbors saw her working in her yard the next day on Saturday. Then she prepared everything for Sunday—her scriptures were on the table with her glasses on top—and she went to bed. She didn’t awake the next morning. When she didn’t show up for choir practice, her family was worried. They went to her home and saw the car was still there. They went inside and found that she had passed away—joined her husband who had died three or four years ago. It was unexpected, but a great way to go out. She was 80 years old. I learned of her death on Monday night at our FHE—Lea told me that ‘Bedstemor’ had passed away. I learned that she didn’t want to be called ‘Mormor’ (mother’s mother) or ‘Farmor’ (father’s mother), she just wanted to be called ‘Bedstemor’ (the best mother) and all who knew her called her that. All three words mean grandmother. She has 6 children—4 boys and 2 daughters. One son died (not sure about the circumstances—old or young?); two sons live in the states so the family waited until they could get flights to Denmark for the funeral; one son and both daughters live close by in Copenhagen. I believe she had 18 grandchildren and almost that many great-grandchildren. The ones who live in Denmark were all in attendance at the funeral. It was a great occasion for the family. The children were all in our ward today. One son is not active (Lea’s father) so I am sure ‘Bedstemor’ was smiling today as all her children attended church together. It makes the song, “Each Life that Touches Ours for Good,” so fitting when you look back at those people who have made an impression in your life. Sister Meilsøe is one such life who touched mine.
I had always planned on going to the funeral, but I learned on Thursday that our YSA octet would be singing at the funeral, so now I definitely needed to go. Our group performed for the prelude. The musical numbers during the funeral were by Tomas Kofed and a piano solo by her daughter, the fantastic musician we heard a few weeks ago at our YSA fireside. Both musical numbers were superb. At the end of the service, the family also sang “Teach Me to Walk” with the grandchildren singing the first verse and the children and spouses singing the 2nd verse. All joined on the last verse. It was very nice as well. All five children spoke at the funeral and gave wonderful tributes to their mother—of course it was all in Danish, so we did the best we could. We planned on going home after the funeral, but the family invited us to go to the cemetery and to the celebration afterwards at the daughter’s home. It seemed impolite to refuse. We followed the hearse to the cemetery and walked to the gravesite. The pall bearers at the cemetery were Søster Meilsøe’s children plus the husband of one of the daughters. The pallbearers in the chapel were as many of the adult grandchildren who could get around the casket. There were no officially designated pallbearers, and girls as well as boys could participate. It was a very simple service at the grave—just a short prayer, and then the funeral director fastened heavy ropes to the casket and the sons plus one son-in-law lowered the casket into the ground. Then it was over. Most people went to look inside the hole—paying their last respects? Did I mention that the weather was perfect during all of this as well as the outdoor luncheon later? There are no open caskets in Denmark, so no viewing, because they don’t embalm the bodies. Also, there are fewer burials as most people opt for cremation—much cheaper. There is one tradition that I particularly like which has to do with flowers. People bring or send bouquets of flowers rather than arrangements in vases. The bouquets are laid on the ground by the casket. The chapel had a line of bouquets along the back as well as the front and on up the stairs to the stand. We put all the flowers in the cars and took them to the cemetery where they lined the area just outside where the casket was. Very beautiful!
We worked the early shift on Friday due to a YSA commitment later in the day. There seems to be a skeleton crew at the temple. So many of our Danish workers are on holiday. It is crazy how many people take the month of July off. But that also means that not very many people are attending the temple—mostly tourists and foreigners. We worked from 9:00 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. I hated to leave because they were so short-handed. But I learned later that they cancelled the 7:30 p.m. session and almost cancelled the 5:00 session. So, I guess it was okay that we left early. We were asked to ‘chaperone’ at non-church sponsored activity with our YSA. It was a surprise birthday party for Lea Meilsøe which has been in the works for over a month. The party was planned at the home of our YSA High Counselor. He has a larger home with an outdoor pool, ping pong table, and a nice deck for gathering. The only problem was that he was going to be out-of-town, so he agreed they could have the party there if we were there. We helped with the food and got there a couple hours early to set up. The mastermind behind all these parties is Gismo Borup and her friends. But she is the one who plans, posts on Face Book (and somehow makes it private so Lea can’t see it) and makes it happen. There were more than 35 people there—some from Sweden, some from Fyn, and several inactive YSA whom we had never met. It was a nice party for Lea, and she was very surprised when she arrived at 6:00. This is her 23rd birthday. A lot of the YSA swam, although we thought it was too cold. The party broke up around 10:00, but just moved to another location—the Østergaard home, where they partied until very late and spent the night. We didn’t have to go to this part because Brother and Sister Østergaard were there to chaperone. Eight hours was enough for us. It was almost dark when I drove home just after 10:30. It still feels weird to me—all this daylight.
We talked about tithing this week in institute. This is a principle of the gospel that has never troubled me. For me tithing isn’t about money; it is about faith. All that I have is the Lord’s. He only asks for a small portion back. The rest He expects me to manage wisely. Now, you could argue that I have never earned much of a paycheck, so it is easy to be generous with nothing. But the widow gave her mite—she gave all. I hope I would do the same. Most of our group understood about paying tithing first. But when we introduced the concept of ‘paying yourself’ second, a few eyebrows were raised. The idea of living on 80% of your earnings (which is even less than that after taxes), seemed impossible. Of course, as you increase your income, it is easier to save for the future. Never the less, it is a habit that must be formed early in life. The key is to live on less than you earn. That will only happen if you set aside savings first. It is all about the BUDGET! (Next week’s lesson.)
We asked the group to share blessings they have received by living the law of tithing. We concluded that it is rare that you receive a ‘check in the mail,’ or have an unexpected ‘windfall.’ But you will see blessings of having enough to meet obligations, or the wisdom to work it out. You will find that the old washing machine lasts a little longer than you expected. One of our older YSA (the American volleyball player), said she would often wish that she had some fantastic story she could share about tithing when teaching investigators on her mission. But then she realized that she always had enough money to pay tuition when it came due, pay rent and meet her obligations while she was going to school. There was never anything extra, but there was enough. She feels that is the blessing she received through her obedience to this law. I look back over the years and I can say the same thing. We have had enough, even during the tough times. I like this thought from President Heber J. Grant:
The men and the women who have been absolutely honest with God, who have paid their tithing, . . . God has given them wisdom whereby they have been able to utilize the remaining nine-tenths, and it has been of greater value to them, and they have accomplished more with it than they would if they had not been honest with the Lord.”
We had a much better turn-out at institute this week—20. We had 4 in our English class. One of them was a visitor from Australia—traveling around Europe. He was definitely more than 30-something, but we were glad he stopped by and we enjoyed his comments and insights. One of the young men cooked dinner that night. It was good (except for the weird spices he put on the chicken and potatoes). Somehow even when I’m not cooking, I manage to work in the kitchen to prepare the meal. Dinner was not ready until 6:30 even with our help. I’m not sure when we would have eaten if he had been on his own. And then there is the clean-up. We try to do this as we go along with the preparations, but then there is the crunch time, when you are just worried about getting everything ready. So, the dish pile up. The YSA’s bus their own dishes into the dishwasher, but it’s the preparation and serving dishes that create such a mess. There is usually not room in the dishwasher for the big dishes—just plates and glasses. Dad got stuck with a lot of the clean-up while I rehearsed with the YSA singers. But we are so grateful to have the YSA there, that we don’t mind this service. We have to be there anyway.
Kærlig hilsen, Mom
Kære Familie, Sunday, July 16, 2017
We tried to watch the Cilic vs Federer Wimbledon match today on our laptops. For whatever reason, video seemed to be blocked in Denmark so the best we could do was a radio play by play. Tennis on the radio is interesting. It is hard to describe a drop shot or the athleticism of the players so what you get is the “backhand down the line, forehand smash, great cross-court shot, etc.”. The most excitement was the 2nd set when Cilic was described as emotionally coming apart and crying on the sidelines. It was a couple of games later that a woman announcer with some compassion started suggesting that maybe he was injured and playing through some pain. I think one of the men was demoted and the woman got a battle ground promotion to add color to the match. In any case, Federer’s comeback is just amazing. I have been suggesting for 2 years that he retire with grace and now he is back on top with an amazing tournament. I hope that with time off and some medical help that Novak Djokovic can stage a comeback. It is at least nice that we now know he has an injury. I was afraid that he had lost the will to win after so much success.
I taught the HP lesson today. It was Pres Hinckley's #14 on Service. I enjoyed the preparation and the teaching and I think the lesson went well. Mom shared with me an article from the July Ensign as I was preparing that really helped. It was on teaching like the Savior and emphasized that the key is not the How, which too many teachers concentrate on, but the Why. This means teaching principles and doctrines and bringing every student closer to Jesus Christ and his characteristics. There needs to be less focus on the methods and more on the results, but that does not downplay the importance of inspired questions and student involvement so that the precepts are internalized. That was a good focus as I did my preparations.
The discussion was interesting as we talked about making the world a better place by serving others and finding ways to lift the burdens of other people. I liked these 3 quotes. For the first one I put it on the whiteboard and covered up the 2nd half of the statement and we had some discussion on what they thought the "real meaning of the gospel" is. There were some great answers but no one mentioned service.
“May the real meaning of the gospel distill into our hearts that we may realize that our lives, given us by God our Father, are to be used in the service of others.”
"And so I make a plea to you. I plead with you that with all your getting you will also give to make the world a little better."
“I wish to be up and doing,” President Hinckley said. “I wish to face each day with resolution and purpose. I wish to use every waking hour to give encouragement, to bless those whose burdens are heavy, to build faith and strength of testimony.”
Many of the comments were that this is a hard subject in Denmark because it really doesn't apply. The government takes care of the needs of the poor and sick so there are not many service opportunities. One brother who lives in Provo (one of the Meilsøe's who came back for his mother's funeral [see mom’s letter]) said one of the reasons he wanted to leave Denmark is to get away from that mentality. He wanted to raise his family someplace else where self-reliance is more of a requirement. I showed a video about a quorum putting in a very nice cement ramp for a single mom with 2 children confined to wheelchairs. Their response was that the government would even do that, but maybe not so nice! In any case, I hope the lesson met the objective of teaching principles and inspiring some action to look for service opportunities.
Last Monday was a Transfer Day again and we had another request to help the Lyngby Sisters get to the main train station. We went to Sister Downs' apartment at 7:00 to pick up her suitcases. They then cycled to the nearest train station, put the bikes on the train with them and we met them at the main station just after 8:00.
We didn’t need to leave for FHE until about 6:00 because it was moved to the stake center. They had a game night of playing the sign game in a circle that we have played before. The person in the middle who is “it” has to catch the person being signed before they pass on the sign to someone else. You must receive by making your sign and then pass it on to someone else by making their sign, without being caught. Attendance was about 13, plus two sister missionaries who were at the building and decided to hang around and play with us. They didn’t have an investigator with them but since they were on splits until the new arrivals are assigned on Wednesday, I could give them some slack for not wanting to go out and contact people.
We had some sad news from David Borcuti tonight. He was not accepted into the university; this was his 2nd failure at admittance. He joked about it and said he has learned from our lesson on the lost 116 pages of the Book of Mormon - he will not ask the 3rd time as bad things happen then. He also said the government is cutting university attendees by 25%, at least in his field of study, and that is likely part of his difficulty in getting in. I don't know if that is a cost cutting measure or a sign of oversupply of IT professionals. In any case, he feels his best option is to go back to Romania and pursue some more education there while he considers his next options. He does not want to live in Romania long term as it is not a country that he likes due to corruptness. He will leave here at the end of August. I would like to be an optimist and say this is fine for his growth in the church, but it is scary and a concern. His home will be a 2-hour drive to the nearest branch. That will surely affect his church attendance though we talked about how important that sacrifice to attend every week will be. We also talked about his opportunities to be a missionary to his family and others in his city to establish a branch there and that he should work with the mission president to see what can be done. He also spoke less positively about a mission in a year so I can tell that this change is also affecting his enthusiasm for that. He still wants to serve a mission but he wants to do it with his family's support and understanding so he wants to gain that before setting any timeline. …>> He updated us again on Thursday and was much more positive about his mission plans. He really wants to serve but has to figure out these next steps of his life. We talked about moving forward and taking steps into the darkness with the assurance that the path forward would be illuminated for him.
One unusual thing this week from the business world, was that I happened onto a news flash that the Baker Hughes and General Electric merger happened and was effective July 3rd. My stock is now listed as BHGE (Baker Hughes, a GE Company) instead of BHI. I am curious how the merger made it through the Justice Department when the Halliburton merger was shot down. I suppose there was a smaller overlap of businesses with this one. GE was never considered a direct competitor with us like Halliburton was. BHI had to spin off their pressure pumping and fracking business (the old BJ Services) so they have now bought and sold that business 2 times and lost money on each transaction.
Wednesday morning, we got an early phone call during our study time. I immediately quipped, “Alright! Maybe somebody needs us!” It was from the Nykobing Elders complaining about a twin bed with broken slats. Elder Smith just arrived there after the transfer and is finding the bed hard on his back. Since it was our best day for travel this week, we hopped on it and were able to arrange for the mission van for later in the day after the new arriving missionaries are sent on their way. We bought a new bed at IKEA and then made the 1 hr. 45 min drive to Falster Island, arriving about 6:15. Unfortunately, the elders received an invite to dinner so they had to leave at 6:30. We stayed and assembled the bed and hung their white board on the wall for them with a drill and screws since the walls are cement. We finished about 7:30 and decided to get a Whopper meal before heading home and arriving about 9:40. We dropped the van keys off to the assistants and left the old bed in the van. They were happy to take it to the recycling center in the morning.
I rode my bike for 2 errands on Thursday and lived to tell about it! They were my first foray into the city bike lanes on the sides of the roads. I road about a mile to the store where we buy printer ink and then to the dry cleaners to pick up my cleaning. I managed to get all of that home on the bike without wrinkling the pants or getting honked or yelled at. It is a bit tricky as faster bikes speed by you and the lanes at times have their own traffic signals you have to watch out for. Then there are of course the cars that may make a right turn into you even though bikes have the right-of-way.
After the funeral yesterday, I called the Johnsons and Jensens to see if we should make some plans for the evening. Jensens were not feeling well and passed and the Johnsons wanted to get outside to enjoy the very nice weather: Low 70's and lots of sunshine. So, we opted for a sightseeing boat ride on the canal with a nice walk through the city. We took the canal tour that we did last Fall - it was Johnson's first time and they really enjoyed it. We appreciated it a lot more as well since we could relate much better to the areas of the city having visited most of them on foot since then. We then walked around through the crowds and music in the Nytown area and enjoyed an expensive ice cream before walking home down Stroget (the walking shopping street). We got home about 7:30.
1 more week before we head to Stockholm for this year’s Festinord!!!!!!! It should be lots of fun, hard work and late nights. We are going to drive the mission van the 6.5 hours to Eskiltuna, Sweden and there will be 3 couples in the van, so that should make the travel time interesting. We will leave early Monday afternoon and come home late Saturday night. Yates and Blockers will be going with us. (Blockers arrive on the 18th and are replacing the Larsens who went home on the 3rd.)
Love, Dad.
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