Svendborg
Vor Frue Kirke in Svendborg
Trampoline park and some of the kids
Vallø Slot near Køge
Vallø Slot near Køge
Vallø Slot near Køge
Køge street, typical Danish architecture
Looking across the bay at Svenborg
Valdemar Castle
Vallø Castle—from the front
Vallø Castle
Dad with Frederik VII in Køge
Kære Familie Monday, March 26, 2018
I have been reflecting a bit this week about parenting skills and raising children to be good missionaries. I can’t remember what first brought those thoughts up, but maybe it was just mixing with missionaries this week for transfers and at Institute. We have a sister entering her 2nd transfer who I just perceive as ‘struggling’. I may be wrong as I don’t have any information on her, but she does not have the happy countenance of the typical missionary – hence I probably conclude the worst case for her. President is always saying that Denmark gets the best missionaries and it is true that he has relatively few problems, as he compares our mission with other mission presidents in their Area training meetings. One of his ‘problem’ sisters finished her mission this week and went home with honors. We have known her from the start. She came from a difficult home situation – mother and grandmother both died in the year before her mission, dad remarried a non-member and moved across the country, she was staying in the family home by herself, a ward member helped her get ready for her mission, etc. She required a lot of baby-sitting during the first part of her mission – weekly phone calls with President or Sister O’Bryant. They kept her close by for the first year and it seemed like she had a new companion every transfer (she would wear them out). She went over to Jylland for her last 6 months and became a sister trainer. We heard good things about her and she went home a confident, different person than when she arrived. Missions are great if the missionaries can survive them! So maybe it was these two events that triggered this thought pattern. I have noted 6 characteristics that good missionaries need to have: a strong testimony/knowledge of the gospel, a desire to serve/love of the Lord, good social skills, an ethic of hard work and sacrifice, a spirit of self-reliance and experience in turning to the Lord for answers. (Perhaps your list of good missionary qualities is different?) President has had to send only a few missionaries home but I am sure there are others he needs to work with. I know of a couple who wanted to leave their missions and he has been coaxing them along. Recently, he had to order one elder to call his mom and “divorce himself from her”. She was sending him weekly packages and they would arrange his on-line letter writing time so she would wake up and they would have ‘live’ Messenger chats! These items made my list as addictive social media/mobile phone habits are often an issue and social skills are so important. We also see missionaries that don’t know how to clean their apartment and some who don’t handle the pressure of hard work every day. That is exasperated when the working conditions are not easy with darkness and cold or rainy weather. Missionaries need to know how to do hard things!!!! Lots of rejection is also always difficult to deal with.
So, how are you doing as parents? What kind of missionaries will our grandchildren be? Are they learning to work hard? Will they be tied to cell phones? Is the gospel entering deep into their souls? I would be interested to know as well, your thoughts on how we did as parents. How would you grade us? Where could we have done better? (Be careful as you will need to do better in any deficiencies that you point out!)
We have been trying to finish up the first round of the My Plan lessons for the returned missionaries. It has been so hard to get any traction with it. We were going to teach 2 groups but because of delays when no one showed up, the lessons have stretched out and now there is not time to start the 2nd group. The stake will have to figure out how they want to deal with that. We invited 11 to come to this class. 7 actually have attended at least once but the largest class we have had is 3 and the norm is 2 I think. Last Monday was supposed to be the last lesson. We begged them all to come to wrap it up. One young man came 15 minutes late, and then some other YSA non-class members came early and started mingling with us. We did start a lesson but decided to do an earlier one that these students had missed. We only had about 20 minutes but had a good discussion on what it means to be anxiously engaged in their most important priority – seeking an eternal companion, and readying themselves to be Mr. Right.
FHE was another Choir practice in preparation for our musical fireside. For the other non-singers, the plan was to help them with either Indexing or sending Memes, or Mormon Messages to Face Book friends. That didn't happen however because we had a nonmember come out and a new American came for the first time (American family moved here to Roskilde) and it didn’t seem appropriate to take on something like that. 3 of us played Phase 10 instead and a couple of others just enjoyed talking. Refreshments were the 7-layer bean dip with chips.
We had about 20 come out, which is a good turnout once again. It makes such a difference when we have 20 instead of 8. It is more fun for everyone. We can’t figure out why the attendance fluctuates so much from week to week.
We took a P-day on Tuesday with the Jensons and left at 9:00 am to drive to Svendborg on the south of the Island of Fyn. They are between contracts again on their record capturing and wanted to make use of our car to visit an area neither of us has seen. It snowed during the night and we started out with a couple of inches on the cars and roads, but it melted rapidly.
We saw 2 churches initially and then we drove to a Welfare Museum, which was very interesting but a bit disturbing. Until 1960, the poor were not treated very well in Denmark. They lived in something like a prison environment and had forced labor for most of the daylight hours. They did things like washing, chopping wood and making braided door mats. Families were separated and usually were never reunited again. Husbands and wives could not be together and lived in separate buildings. Inside room temperatures were kept between 40 and 50 degrees, etc. The idea they had was to make it a sorry life, so the poor residents would want to work hard and get back to a normal civilian life. It seems they were saddled with having to pay for their keep however, so it was hard for them to ever escape being destitute and to find a way out of the poor farm.
We grabbed hamburgers at McDonalds for lunch and the next stop was a bridge to the Island of Tåsinge where we took pictures of the harbor from Troense and then went to Valdemars Slot. It turned out that I had visited this with Elders Yates and Brookes in October 2016 during the Women's Conference in Odense. The men took a drive south and saw Egeskov Slot and Valdemars Slot. I did not remember the places we had seen as I was a ‘greenie’ passenger in the car and I guess did not pay that much attention to our whereabouts. The setting of the slot is very nice, but once again, it was closed for the season and we could only walk around the buildings or along the beach. We continued to the next Island of Langeland and caught a 45-minute ferry from Spodsbjerg to Tårs on Lolland. I took a nap on the ferry as I was very tired and not very good company. It was then a 2-hour drive home. We did not do our research timely and missed the ferry by 15-minutes, so we had a 45-minute wait for the next one at 4:15, arriving at about 5:00 and having the drive home. Mom had to be at the stake center at 7:00 for a stake choir rehearsal and we had to call the choir director and tell her she would be late. She got there at 7:20 after a pit stop to change her clothes and grab her music. The weather was bright and sunny and much warmer than it has been. I managed without hat, scarf or gloves and it was not too bad, except for some wind blowing in the shade. It turned out to be a nice day for travel and a good break from the routine but a lot of driving for what we saw. Denmark is really a beautiful country. Outside of the city, it is mostly farm land and everything is getting tilled and ready for planting.
I sent a Messenger Message to David Borcutti, our Romanian convert, one morning this week. He responded back immediately and we had a 15-minute Messenger chat (see how techy I am now (jk)). He was in a hospital for dental surgery required for his missionary application. The great news is that he is still planning on going on a mission and hopes to have his application papers sent in by the end of April. He has not had his patriarchal blessing yet and plans on coming to Copenhagen to go to the temple. Unfortunately, it looks like his delays will get him here after we leave. Still, I smile through and through whenever I think of him or Anja (Bornholm) and think how wonderful the blessings of the gospel are to those converts who really embrace the changes the church will bring to them.
The temple was really underutilized for a Friday. The first session had only 3 female patrons and 0 male. We sent 5 male and 2 female temple workers on the session. I am not sure why they didn’t want the men to do Initiatory work but the endowment session was the only ordinance taking place. We heard the 2nd session was about the same with 5 patrons. Families must have had a lot of other things going on this weekend.
We left the temple at 6:00 to attend a YSA activity. It was in a trampoline park so we had our first exposure to what they are like. 15 YSA came to the event. The cost was 125 kr for an hour and the stake paid 50 kr of that. They seemed to have a lot of fun. I intended on jumping with them but after seeing the layout decided it would be silly to sprain an ankle or something and I am not sure I should be trying a back or front flip on the church’s insurance. I will save that for the grandkids. My jumping ability is likely more on their level of expertise.
We started talking midweek about having an outing Saturday. One of our bucket list items is to visit Køge and Vallø Slot. We didn't really think about inviting anyone to go with us, but as we woke up, we decided we should at least call Jensons since they don't have a car. Mom called them at 9:30, with apologies for the late notice. They didn't have any plans and wanted to come but said they had already talked to Johnsons about doing something today. It quickly evolved with a few other phone calls that we would leave at 11:00, we would pick up the Wheelers (who don’t have a car either), and Johnsons would drive the Jensons. It turned into a very nice day. We met at 12 at Vallø Slot, both arriving within 5 minutes of each other. The castle grounds were beautiful - just lots of lawn, ponds, stream, and trees, but very peaceful with swans and ducks and birds chirping. We enjoyed the pleasant atmosphere, picture taking and good company and conversation. It is interesting that no one ever brings snack foods except for us but I had pulled some of mom’s chocolate chip cookies from the freezer and everyone appreciated a cookie in the morning and afternoon. We also enjoyed a nice sit-down lunch (I would rather have been seeing other things 😊). It was a good outing and we heard later from the Wheelers that they really needed a chance to get out with other people. Even though this is their 3rd mission location (South Africa and Moscow) they are finding that they are spending a lot more time together doing their church history work in the small room in the basement of the church, and it was super helpful to get a break with all of us!
Love, Dad
We went on daylight savings time yesterday. We now have over 12 hours of daylight each day. The last week, I noticed that it was light well before 6:00 and made me feel like I had slept through my alarm. Now sunrise is about 7:00, but sunset is 7:30, so we will have the daylight at night. It snowed twice this week and even though we had an unexpected warm day yesterday—in the high 40’s, there is still evidence of snow in some places and ice on the lakes. It gets cold enough at night that some of the water that melted during the day re-freezes, but we should see it warming up over the next few weeks, I hope. I worry that the ducks and swans will be late in laying their eggs, but I’m sure mother nature knows what she is doing and the birds adjust. There was enough snow to cover the ground and tree branches and make everything so beautiful. The snow on top of the lake ice just glistened. But I am very tired of cold weather and all the paraphernalia that goes with it—coats, hats, scarf and gloves! I have been glad for heated seats in our car. I walk to and from the center on most days so that I can practice the piano and don’t look forward to the often sub-freezing temperatures as I walk. It is always nice when we are out in the car and Dad drops me off at the center so I only have to walk one way. I’m sure our weather all sounds delightful for those of you in Houston who have been running your air conditioners for several weeks. I should be used to this because this is just like Utah weather with snow in April and even May—but I am warm-blooded now.
We had a full day yesterday that ended with our YSA Musical Fireside. We have been preparing for this fireside for all of March. Every FHE this month has been choir practice. We spent the first two weeks struggling through the song “Somebody to Love.” I wasn’t the only one having trouble getting the rhythm down; the singers struggled with it as well. The parts were difficult and often came in a beat or two before each other, so the timing was also tricky. The accompaniment did not play parts, so it was no help. A few of the youth dropped out of the choir because they were making no progress and didn’t want to participate in something that sounded awful. Luckily the choir directors saw ‘the writing on the wall’ and decided to sing something else. So, on Monday, we practiced ‘The Lord is My Shepherd’ and one of the girls had worked her magic on arranging a special accompaniment to go with it. We were to have one more rehearsal at 5 p.m. right before the fireside. I thought everything was set. My only responsibility was accompanying for a small group of 6 girls. We practiced Sunday morning before church with 5 of the girls. It was the first time we had all been together to practice—and we were still short one girl. We had had other quick practices, but with only 3 or 4 of the participants, and we only worked on parts. They were singing a beautiful Danish song I had never heard before with 6 parts in some places. I learned later that the missing girl was sick—she was also the accompanist for ‘The Lord is My Shepherd.’ So, at 5:30 I got the message that I was needed to accompany the YSA choir, and also another solo, because that accompanist was also sick. We were in the middle of dinner with two sister missionaries. They had been asked to participate in the fireside and share the musical number they had performed for the baptism the previous week. They were coming from another city, so I invited them to dinner before the fireside, and I had told the YSA leadership that I wouldn’t be to the church until 6:00—plenty of time for my small part in the program. But now things were all changed. It was a bit of a mad scramble when we arrived –I practiced with the choir, then I practiced with the soloist (‘If the Savior Stood Beside Me’) and then I practiced with the girls group. Other groups were also practicing in various areas of the church. The fireside started 15 minutes late due to all these last-minute practices, but it went very well, and other than the late start, one would have thought it went off exactly as planned. I also learned that I would be playing for 3 congregational hymns which I had to play without practice. We had a good turn-out from our YSA’s as well as families and other stake members who had heard about the fireside. It was a great avenue for our YSA to share their talents. I am grateful for those who did, and hope that others will be encouraged to participate in future programs such as this.
It was a big transfer day on Monday—we got a new AP and a new office elder and most of the companionships in our zone had changes with missionaries transferring from Jylland and Fyn to our island and vice versa. I was asked to help a sister missionary get her luggage to the train station and pick up the new sister with her luggage and drive them home. Because our car is so little, it can only hold the two missionaries, myself, and all the luggage—for one person. (So Dad didn’t come.) Of course the missionaries live on the 4th floor (no elevators in these old buildings) and we each took a suitcase down the stairs, and later hauled one up the stairs. They were all very heavy—even the smallest suitcases because they were filled with books. As I stood in the train station and observed the missionaries (more than 25), it was like a homecoming. All these missionaries coming and going—some don’t even know each other—but they share a bond and there were lots of hugs and greetings and even a few tears as they said good-bye to the missionaries who were going home. There were lots of missionaries because even the companions who are staying have to accompany their transferring companions and pick up the new ones. There were 5 returning home missionaries as well. We are well-acquainted with several of them and I have enjoyed watching them ‘grow-up’ on their missions. My hope is that they take their mission experiences and build on them as they become leaders in the church and continue serving. A mission is a huge ‘kick-start’ to growth in the church. These missionaries know how to work hard, know how to dedicate themselves to serving the Lord and His children; they know how to study and pray for help. They have seen miracles and have many faith-building experiences. They have felt the swellings of testimony in their heart and have seen it in others. I see this in the YSA returned missionaries we work with. But not all keep the fire burning like it was on their missions. The ones who do are committed and experience the fruits of activity. The ones who don’t definitely miss out on the blessings. I hope these returning missionaries continue to fuel the fire. Many of them are returning to challenging home situations and will not get support from families. Their road is harder, but not impossible. They have the Lord on their side and good ward members and others to help. I think that is one of the reasons we stress (in our MY Plan classes) that each RM have a mentor to help them pursue their goals. If it is not a parent, they must choose another trusted friend or leader.
We have spent some time this week on making a ‘handbook’ for future YSA missionaries who will replace us in the coming years. Dad has done the initial leg work on this and we are editing it together. I suggested that we separate the stake/YSA duties from the practical missionary duties and make two sections—we will give the first section to the stake as a resource; and a second document one will combine both sections which we can leave in the apartment for the next couple. It is interesting to reflect on and write down our ‘duties.’ The sister missionaries who came to dinner asked us what we do to fill our days—it seems the typical question people ask us when they learn that we are YSA missionaries. They always preface it with, “I hope this doesn’t sound rude, but ……” On the surface, it looks like we are only busy Monday and Thursday nights, and we must come up with an answer to justify our service here. (Of course, all the shopping and cooking and planning and practicing the piano I do doesn’t sound like missionary work….) Writing a list of duties and explaining how the YSA council functions helps me focus on just why we are needed here.
Some of the things we will include on the practical missionary duties are apartment inspections, shopping information, and getting adjusted to a new country. These are things we wish someone had explained to us. We shouldn’t complain because the Buxtons and the other senior missionary couples who were here when we arrived helped us a lot to adjust and some things we just figured out for ourselves, which isn’t such a bad thing. But the present office couple and even the Danish office couple, don’t seem to be passing on information very well—both of whom have been serving for a year. We saw this with the Wheelers who arrived about a month ago. They have been on two other foreign missions, so they are not new to living outside of the U.S., but they felt they received more help from those missions than here in Denmark. They do not have a car, so the Jensons helped them figure out the cheapest bus passes and how to get around, etc.—but only a week or so later, after hearing that they had not been given this information. The Jensons have since written their own ‘handbook’ of practical information to help future couples who come for record preservations. Certainly, one of our jobs is to make it a bit easier for the couple who replaces us, just like one generation helps the next and passes on experiences and life’s lessons. We don’t want to deny others the opportunity and growth gained from ‘breaking out of the egg’, but we can help them survive a little better and gain even greater insights by passing on a few things we have learned. That is what progress is all about.
Med kærlighed, Mom
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