Wednesday, March 7, 2018

March 4, 2018: Grandma's passing

 Dinner party on Saturday night.  
Elder and Sister Wheeler from Las Vegas are seated next to me, then Jensons and Johnsons. 

Kære Familie                                                                                                                                                         Sunday, March 4, 2018

This has been a crazy week.  Any of you remember it?  If it wasn’t for my journal, I am sure the first part of the week would have felt like it happened a couple of weeks ago.  So early on, we had all the discussions, internet searches and conference calls (early morning for us) on vacation properties.  It seemed like it would never get decided.  It is getting harder and harder to find something big enough, within our budgets, and that meets everyone’s preferences.  I think this is the first time we had family veto power and that added an additional dimension to it. I am surprised you were able to decide on Tennessee together last year – maybe I am the problem!  The process of arranging for a group vacation can be a learning time for us as well. We will need to do some things differently next time.  Anyway, I am way excited about Lake Travis and like having something to anticipate and look forward to.

The last few days have been all about Grandma.  Interesting how that is a topic so much more important than a vacation.  But Grandma would be very happy to know our family likes to vacation together and generally gets along with each other.  A temple ordinance can seal our family together, but much more important I think, is the way we treat each other and the Celestial attributes we can incorporate into our together time. 

We had 3 couples (Johnsons, Jensons and Wheelers) come to dinner at 5:00 last night.  The plan was to have a game or movie night but we ended up just talking until about 8:00. Wheelers dominated the conversation because they are new and we were all interested in their family, assignment as Church History missionaries, prior mission in South Africa and the 8 months they spent in Moscow on this mission.  They are a really nice couple and closer to our age. We all also gave them the lowdown on Denmark's peculiar problems with calcium deposits, shopping, appliances, etc.  It was a nice evening.

Wheelers served 23 months in South Africa where he was the branch president on an MLS mission, 11 hours away from the mission home.  They then stayed home for 18 months and went to Moscow on a Church History mission.  After 7-8 months there, the government regulations made it impossible for them to continue their work, so they returned to SLC for 2 1/2 months working in the Church History department waiting a reassignment.  Denmark came up pretty quickly as a location but they were waiting for the mission to find an apartment for them.  That is really hard to do.  It took that long.  They were just giving up living in limbo with a borrowed car and in a daughter's house and had discussed receiving a release from their mission call, when our mission was able to rent an apartment that will work for them. They will be here for 12 months, which is a bit of an extension on this should-have-been 18-month mission. They will spend their time organizing, indexing and digitizing history material that is stored in the basement of our stake center.  They will also attempt to capture some oral history of the early converts.  It sounds a lot like the history of Saudi Arabia that Wayne and Diane were writing, only this material has been saved it just needs to be preserved and made available electronically for church members.    

As we were breaking up with the dinner, I got a text from President O'Bryant to check on a medical emergency of a missionary.  They are in Iceland at a stake conference.  Elder Throckmorton was playing basketball at the stake center, jumped off the stage in the stairs leading up to it, and hit his head on the ceiling.  He was bleeding heavily and showing shock symptoms.  It ended up not being too serious however.  The office elders took him to the emergency room and then took other missionaries with them home in the van.  Mom and I went to the hospital to wait with them and make sure everything was ok.  He had bled a lot but was chipper and just waiting to be seen.  They had told him a 2 hour wait.  It ended up being a little less than that and we were home by around 10:30. They put one stitch in his head and told him to be careful with it for a few days and check back with his doctor in a week. He was a lucky elder I think. 

Nothing else this week seems very important.  We had an additional temple session on Thursday with the missionaries who have been here for a month and those going home in 6 weeks.  Those are always nice.  Mom and I led the session. 

Our English Institute class had 7 of us in the kitchen, as space is so tight. We had the Bolivian Au Pair member, Rosa, a visitor from Australia, and the office elders brought an investigator from Nepal who has been in Denmark as a student for 2 years.  He seemed to have a lot of potential.  It made for an interesting class as mom taught a lesson on the Beatitudes from 3 Ne 12. 


This will be a very short letter, but we will see most of you soon.  Love, Dad. 


Kære Familie,                                                                                                                                                                                      4-5 March 2018
Ever since I received the news about Mom’s fall and subsequent declining health late Thursday night, my emotions have been a bit close to the surface.  The last time I visited with my mom was on December 26th.  We set up a FaceTime visit.  It was good to talk to her, but it was obvious that conversation was difficult, and she didn’t remember things.  Still it was good to hear her voice and to see her.  My phone visits with Stephanie and Peter confirmed that the dementia was getting worse.  I began to lose hope that I would see her again when I returned home from my mission.  I knew it was time to let go and accept the Lord’s will.  I wonder if my prayers were keeping her here longer than she needed to be.  It all seemed to happen much faster than I thought it would, but I am grateful for her sake.  Now she is free from the restraints of body and mind.  She is with my dad, her siblings and parents, her grandmother, who was so beloved.  She is at peace and that brings me peace, too. 

So, I will begin my letter with a little tribute to my mom.  “Each life that touches ours for good, reflects thine own great mercy, Lord; Thou sendest blessings from above through words and deeds of those who love.”[1]  I have always loved the words in this hymn (not the music so much).  I believe we are truly better because of the people we come to know throughout our lives, but the relationships that influence us the most are family.  I have been born of goodly parents—truly they were blessings sent from the Lord.  I am grateful to my mother for the many things she taught me—she taught me good homemaking skills—how to cook and clean.  She taught me sewing and handiwork—and I will never achieve her skill level in these areas.  I think I learned my love for gardening from her.  She knew how to beautify her yard and it is something I have also enjoyed.   She taught me about being a mom through her selfless service while we were young.  She never complained about staying home with us and I am grateful for her steady presence in our home.  I never had to decide about being a stay-at-home mom—I just followed her example.  I know we didn’t always have a perfect relationship—I was a teenager, after all—but those times seem to pale as the blessings of a loving mother fill my memories.  I have fond memories of vacations, camping trips and family outings.  She sewed all my clothes and I loved the dresses and outfits she made me.  She sewed clothes for my dolls as well and I never fully appreciated all the work that went into that until I was older.  I know I took a lot of things for granted.  I have vivid memories of canning fruits and vegetables—it was ‘all-hands-on-deck’ during canning season.  Again, I didn’t fully appreciate all the work she did for our family until much later.  I’m sure I’ve told you before that I was always trying to please my parents.  I was never sure I succeeded until I overheard her on the phone talking to her sister—saying how proud she was of something I had accomplished.  That meant the world to me.  I have never stopped trying to please her. 

My mom taught me to be tough—that is probably where I get my ‘pioneer spirit.’  She always kept going, no matter what.  She didn’t get bogged down in the thick of thin things.  I know she had a great love for all her children and grandchildren, even though it was not always evident.  She kept those emotions to herself, but they were there.  

Mom was a great support to me when we got married and started our family.  I appreciated her help, her wisdom and advice.  She continued to make clothes for my children, sewed doll clothes and such for my girls, and her legacy continues as all of you have an afghan or something homemade by Grandma.  I have done a few of these projects myself and I know the time and love she put into every stitch.  I remember her most recent visits to Houston where we would spend hours talking together or watching Hallmark movies—both of us doing our handiwork.  I remember her last visit and the times Dad and I would play Rummikub with her.  I treasure those memories and wish I had appreciated them more at the time. 

My Mom gave faithful service in the church her whole life.  I felt her testimony of the gospel more than I actually heard it, but I never ‘doubted that she knew it.’[2]  I feel so blessed for having her as my mother.  She is the link in my chain right before me.  Her sacrifices and testimony as well as those before her make me realize just how important those links are.  It gives me the desire to see those links continue through the generations in honor of all those who have gone before.  I hope you take time to write some of your feelings and memories about Grandma in your journals. 

Our week was busy and lacked sleep due to a couple of very late nights.  It was my turn to prepare an institute lesson, plus I did food on Thursday.   I also hosted a dinner for the senior couples on Saturday where I made two kinds of soups.  My life always revolves around food—grocery shopping and preparation.  On Thursday, we had a temple session with the newest missionaries and their companions.  So that day was packed with language class, temple session, and institute dinner/lesson.  There was no time between these activities.  That was also the night I received news about Mom’s declining health and I really expected her to pass away the next day.  I called Peter that night after midnight, so it was another late night.   The temple has been my source of peace during some of these busy weeks.  I didn’t know about Mom on Thursday afternoon when I was at the temple, but my thoughts were still very much with her.  On Friday, I had time to sit and ponder eternal things and pray for her release from this life and her infirmities.  I am extremely grateful for those quiet moments in the temple where the veil is very thin. 

We had two of our YSA receive their endowments on Friday night.  I was the follower on the session.  It was so nice to be with them.  One of them is a young woman who is waiting for her mission call.[3]  The other is a young man who has been a member for just one year.  It was his birthday on Friday, so he chose that day to receive his endowment.  It is always wonderful to see new members continue their journey.  Baptism is just the first step—attending the temple and receiving ordinances is the next step.  So many of our converts never make it to the next step.  This young man had a few struggles shortly after his baptism—there is always an adjustment as you try to pick up your old life with the friends you already have.  But that never works—becoming a member of the church is life changing in so many ways and finding a new circle of friends is one of the necessary changes.  I think he has now broadened his circle of church friends and is doing very well.  He joins us often with our YSA activities so that is a good support.  He has no family in the church.  But now he is surrounded by a church family.  It had been a snowy, cold day in Copenhagen.  We never get much snow in Copenhagen, but it was enough to pile up on the car windows.  I think the weather kept people from coming to the temple as the first session of our shift only had 2-3 patrons—the rest were ordinance workers.  I was the veil coordinator so was the only worker, besides the shift coordinator, who didn’t go on the session.  I didn’t have much to do during the session, so that is why I had a lot of time to ponder and read scriptures.  The second session was much better attended as there were family and friends for those receiving their endowment.  The temple has certainly been a great blessing for me—a calm in the storm. 

I am busy preparing for Stake Conference music.  I was originally asked to play only three numbers for the choir, but this week I received two more songs.  The choir director had asked Sister O’Bryant to play them, and she felt that she didn’t have time to attend the practices, so she asked me.  I have been trying to practice every day at the center, but it hasn’t always worked out (no practice on Thursday, Friday or Saturday).  I went to the center after church and that is where I was when Stephanie called with the news about Grandma.  We only have one phone, so Dad got the call.  It came just after I left for a 2-hour practice session, so I didn’t get the news until later.  We had our first rehearsal for stake choir on Saturday—nearly three hours, so I didn’t get any personal practice that day.  The choir practice is mostly voice parts, so I don’t really get a good practice on the accompaniment.  But I am making progress.  I was also asked by the YSA to accompany a number for a music concert coming up the end of the month, and I received a new Easter piece from our ward choir director today.  So, I will finish my mission with a music bang—one more round of intense practice.  At least this time I have more than two weeks for the stake choir numbers, although I will lose a week of practice this week. 

My heart is full of love for my family.  I bask in the flurry of emotions that envelop me during this time.  Emotions are a good thing—it means I am alive and can feel.  I talked with Philip late Sunday night and had a nice visit with Stephanie and Peter on Saturday.  It was also so good to visit with each of you—whether about the vacation or about Grandma.  Please give all the grandchildren a hug and tell them how much I love them.  I hope Kari had a nice birthday and I wish Claire, Talmage and Ariane the best of birthdays this Sunday.  It will be nice to come home, however briefly, this week.
Med kærlighed,
Mom




[1] Hymn 293
[2] Much like the stripling warriors.  See Alma 56:47-48
[3] Usually a young man or woman does not receive his/her endowment until they have received the mission call.   But I suspect they made an exception in this case because the other YSA receiving his endowment is also from her ward which is and hour+ away from Copenhagen.   By combining the two endowments, friends/the bishop would only have to come one time.



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