Grandma's yarn pile: She wins with the most!
Our fun morning at Visitor's Center at Temple Square
3 of my Girls
Cute grandkids!
All the cousins
Our family
All the kids still in the will
The funeral
Jared as a pallbearer
The siblings
We attended a temple session while Mom watched Lindsey's two kids
A late dinner at Lindsey's house of Brick Oven
Kære Familie Sunday, March 12, 2018
So, we are “home” again in Copenhagen and a couple of days have past. It quickly seems like we never left and the past week is just a very pleasant memory that will sustain us for a few more weeks being here (we have been telling people for a while that we have 7 weeks left but have now figured out it is actually 8 ½. They will pass quickly for us). Our young adults were welcoming to us last night for FHE and they were very kind to mom with some sincere appreciation for her loss. The meals last Thursday and Saturday were something of a disaster, so we were missed in at least that sense. Mom has gotten very good at producing a nutritious meal for 30-40 people on time, all hot and all delicious. She has a capable vegetable chopper and errand boy who follows directions well but could never produce what she does so well. Jonathan Leit did the meal for Institute Thursday and he is the one that did the New Year’s Eve dinner, so he is very capable, but Thursday did not go well for him. The Spaghetti was not ready until 6:30 and there was not enough, so they had to eat in 2 shifts – some before the lesson and some after. The sauce was too runny the first time and too thick the 2nd. Saturday’s meal for the German YSA visitors was a bunch of miscommunications between people here. It sounds like they had good food prepared by a YSA parent couple in one of the wards, but mom’s pre-preparations of pulled pork sandwiches are still sitting in the freezer. It is nice to be missed even if it is for something so mundane as food.
As we landed at the Copenhagen airport (after another 23 hours of traveling) and took the metro into the city to our apartment, we were welcomed by familiar sights and sounds. It felt good to be back and we are happy to have some more time here as missionaries. It did not feel ‘finished’ as we rushed out last week. The walk pulling our luggage from the metro station to our apartment is about half a mile +, and it is a very familiar Danish sight to see people coming or going to a station with their bags. We left pulling the bags through some snow and slush, but it was all gone on the way back. We love this city! The flight home and short stay there gave us a taste for what it will be like in a few weeks. It was so wonderful to see you all that it was hard to leave – sort of a surreal experience though to have that interruption. Honestly, it makes me a little scared because we are comfortable here and the days are predictable. The future is mostly question marks! What new challenges, opportunities and blessings will be ahead?
President O’Bryant included the below in his weekly letter. I think you will find it interesting.
We have now given out over 10,000 Book of Mormons at the musical in Copenhagen. I received a letter yesterday from a man who apparently received one of them. Thought you might enjoy reading it.
Translation:
Dear Mormons
Everyone has the right to believe what they want, but as a member of the Atheist Society, I do not believe in all of it - in my eyes, rubbish - as you and other believers speak and preach about - do not waste your time contacting me in that.
But, but - deep respect for the young people who stand quite peacefully and share books after The Book of Mormon - a performance that I did not even mind when I thought it was "laughing" at you.
Imagine if some of the politically and culture-correct management of the theater world dared to make a musical where "Muhammad" was laughed at and believing Muslims quietly and peacefully shared the Qur'an after the performance- WOULDN'T THAT BE A DIFFERENT-LOOKING WORLD!
For this reason, I would like to contribute financially with a modest amount to the "book distribution" effort - if you would provide your bank account for information for this.
Yours sincerely,
That seems pretty incredible to me and illustrates some of the impact this running of the musical is having here. We all feel like it is planting seeds and perhaps opening opportunities that will bear fruit in some miraculous ways.
We gave our young Alma, 17-year old female awaiting baptism on her 18th birthday, a ride home from FHE last night. As we have shared, she has been very faithful at attending church, FHE and Institute every week for some months now. We knew her parents are not happy with these choices and that she has had to “sneak” to events at times. Last night she shared that her parents have basically disowned her. She is still living at home, but her parents refuse to speak to her and have instructed a sister not to talk to her either, until she stops this nonsense with the Mormons. She says it is very lonely being at home now and her only relief is at school and being with the YSA. She is determined she will be baptized when she turns 18 this Fall. I think it is amazing that she has this faith. We are going to pray for her every day that her parents will have their hearts softened.
Yesterday we had a Zoom Conference call (video conference) from 10 to 11:00 with Elder and Sister Skoubye in Frankfurt. They are the Europe Area YSA Advisors, reporting to the Area Presidency. On the call were all of the Senior Couples working with YSA in Denmark (Shurtliffs, Halls, Blockers, Fonnesbecks, & Forslunds) and Brother Jens Andersen, our CES Director. We discussed the status of the program in each area and then discussed reasons why Denmark has the highest average activity in the European area. It is about 33% while the average is 20%. The UK is the lowest at 17% (and has 1/3 of the total # of YSA in Europe) and the next highest to Denmark is Germany with 27%. Brother Jens Andersen suggested that it was because of the number of great senior missionary couples that the mission has and that they do a lot to make the YSA programs effective where they serve. I suggested that our stake's YSA organization and Institute Council do a lot to make the program attractive and to get them involved. Mom thought a reason might be that many of them have responsible ward callings as they are needed to serve. These are likely all important reasons, but the result is still surprising. This is a ‘faithless religious” country as we have talked about and it does not seem probable that it would be doing better than all the other countries in the area. Only 20% overall activity though illustrates the magnitude of the problem. 80% of these precious youth are not participating in the gospel. The church is losing them to Satan’s plan. It does not seem like enough is being done to rescue them. We have seen a few come back into activity, a few be baptized, (at least 3 baptized who have stopped attending though), and who knows how many have stayed active or become stronger as they have participated in our weekly activities. These are hard to measure. We have had some marriages, a few more coming up, and young adults going on missions – all very happy events. But still, so many more who are missing out on the blessings and promises of the gospel. The area presidency also wanted some feedback on the mid-singles and what insights we have to helping them. That is another interesting huge group. We all recognize issues, such as they do not feel comfortable at Institute because of their age and maturity, a boredom with Institute lessons after attending for several years, a lack of faith and opportunity for marriage, etc. but none of us had any obvious solutions. Mom and Jens talked a bit about our stake’s efforts to organize them with SA representatives and special activities, Brother and Sister Leit being called as a couple to assist that age group, (but they are having a hard time getting participants in an Institute class). We had feedback that they wanted their own class, but they have not supported it.
We had one of our young adults, Felix Nørrung, open his mission call last night just before FHE. Many of the YSA were at his house for the opening and then they came a little late to FHE – a drive from Roskilde into Copenhagen. He is going to the Russia Siberian mission, perhaps another first for this country. It got as cold as -50 C this winter. He seemed very happy, but skeptical of the weather! I also learned that Marie Carl is turning in her mission papers. She is a cousin to Gismo and is our YSA Council secretary. I am excited for both of them. Marie has an older brother, David, who is very active in Institute, who has not served a mission yet, and doesn’t seem to be interested in one. This makes me wonder if he will reconsider his opportunity to serve.
A week ago Monday, on the 5th, our FHE had two parts. Those who like to sing are working on preparing a number for a musical concert the YSA will perform on the 25th. Mom was playing the piano for the rehearsal. My assignment was to keep any non-singers happy by over seeing them making two kinds of cookies. Understand, that I cannot ever remember making cookies (though I probably did on my earlier mission). Mom had already made the cookie dough for Chocolate Crinkle Cookies and we just had to roll them into balls, roll them in powder sugar and bake them. Then we also had chocolate chip cookies to make from scratch following a recipe. I could only get 3-4 YSA to help with them. A few others like the little red hen story (one I am personally very familiar with) and were content to visit with each other as they waited for the cookies to come out of the oven, so they could eat them. It all went well and we had good cookies to eat, though mom says they were a little over baked. They certainly did not taste as good as her masterpieces.
I end with a thought on unity that applies to our marriages and our families. Both Jared and Mom talked about the effects of the funeral proceedings of last week and how it made us all appreciate the importance of our family – our own and our extended family. We regret divisiveness and will work to make these relationships more important and eternal. The extended family may take some time and tender caring. In the meantime, we can work so that we remove all resentment, jealousy and negative thoughts/feelings between our children and within your families. Let us strive to be one. Here is some scriptural background.
The Savior tells us in D&C 38:27 “I say unto you, be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine.” Likewise, Paul declares: “Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of Our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.” 1 Cor 1:10. A leading characteristic of a Zion society is that they are “of one heart and one mind” Moses 7:18. Further, the Savior in His great intercessory prayer asked the Father that his apostles “may be one, even as we are one” John 17:21-23.
I love you all, Dad.
I wrote in my journal yesterday that I need to thank my Mom next time I see her for this last unexpected gift. Who would have thought that by her dying, I would have so many special moments—and, like Jared put it so eloquently—tender experiences. It was worth the long travel days, the crazy sleep patterns to which my body could not adjust, and a lot of Mexican food. I would do it all again—no regrets. I think the biggest take-away from my few days in Salt Lake is that family is eternal and family relationships are important. There are a lot of things you can’t take with you—and I witnessed many of them in Mom’s house; but the relationships we cultivate are eternal and they are priceless. I am so grateful for this beautiful Plan of Happiness which I probably take too much for granted. It is at times like this that we more fully appreciate and realize just how much our Heavenly Father loves us and just how perfect His Plan is. It truly takes the sting of death away. I am grateful for a Savior who died for me, thus making it possible for all of us to live again. There is much comfort in knowing that my Mom has a sound mind again and that she is free from any ailments she suffered in this estate. There is much comfort in knowing that she is reunited with my Dad along with her parents and grandparents. It gives me hope; it gives me purpose.
Twenty-two hours after leaving our apartment in Copenhagen, we arrived on Lindsey’s doorstep. I enjoyed the drive to Provo, as it all felt familiar and Denmark seemed a long time ago. Lindsey and Derrick greeted us before we even got out of the car. It was so nice to see them. We visited for about an hour which gave us a chance to unwind. Lindsey, Dad and I sat on the couch together, while Derrick sat in the rocker opposite us. With his keen observation, he noted that we all chewed, picked, or fiddled with our fingernails while we talked. Is that a family nervousness trait? He also noted that we all slowly shifted towards Dad who was sitting at the end of the couch. But that is because we were sharing a blanket and wanted to create body heat. The best part was waking up the next morning to the sounds of little children. Despite Facetime, we were strangers to Claire and it took a little while for her to warm up to us. She wouldn’t come to me, but when Dad was giving Teddy a piggyback ride and I offered to give her one, she came right to me. Ted remembered us and was all hugs and kisses. It was difficult to leave for the day.
We spent the day at Grandma’s house, packing up her life. Surprisingly, I found joy and a lot of comfort in the work. Dad made two runs to the D.I.—I know someone will be grateful to get all her clothes! Stephanie and I spent most of our time bagging up tubs and tubs, and more tubs of yarn. She had quite a collection—enough that she could have started her own retail store??? It represented years of planning and dreaming of projects that she wanted to do, but somehow overestimated her capacity and time needed to finish all of them. There were many half-finished projects. But it brought her joy just like my dad’s artwork brought him joy. You can’t count the cost because happiness does not have a price tag. It was her hobby—what filled her time—and I think many, many are the people who have been the recipients of her labors. It would be more fun to see a pile of all the projects she did complete—afghans, sweaters, baby shawls, hats, wash rags, doilies, curtains, decorations, Christmas ornaments, and so much more. All of you have something hand-made by Grandma. Hopefully you treasure the love, the time, the talent that went into the project and know that it brought her much joy as she made each stitch.
After we tackled the yarn, we went upstairs to Grandma’s sewing room and other cupboards—more yarn, more crafts, and a lot of patterns. And in between all the yarn, we found folders which were marked as patterns but were filled instead with letters, cards, pictures, and other documents. It was a trip down memory lane as my parents’ life unfolded in the wonderful tributes to them. I am grateful for the diligence with which you sent Christmas cards and other letters to them throughout their lives, and especially to my mom these last few years. I saw a sweet letter from Alex written just a year ago for her 88th birthday. It included a darling picture of herself. I saw postcards from Lindsey while she was on her mission. I know my mother read and re-read these cards. They meant a lot to her. There were also thank you letters from the missionary department for their service at the employment office and at temple square, as well as friends with whom they served. We found tributes to Grandpa on his 80th birthday as well as tributes to Grandma for Mothers’ Day. It was all about family—the family (and friends) who loved them, honored them, and appreciated the blessings of having grandparents. I add my thanks to you for showing love and respect to your grandparents. The commandment to “honor thy father and thy mother” extends beyond the generations, and the promise is real—“that thy days may be long upon the land.”
Another tender mercy was just spending time with my sister. We talked a lot about our mother and the difficulties of the past few weeks—and months and years—for Stephanie. She has sacrificed so much, and I am grateful for her care and dedication to Grandma. She has honored our father’s wishes to care for Mom in her own home. That has required a huge time commitment with doctor’s visits, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the day-to-day tasks, and handling the financial affairs of the house and her life in general. I’m sure I can’t begin to mention all the things Stephanie did for her—finding her hearing aids when she would lose them, putting on a movie when Mom couldn’t remember how to run the DVD player, taking her to hair appointments, laying out her clothes each day (and doing laundry), finding projects for her to work on, answering the same questions over and over, listening to her, and sitting by her side as she lay dying. I think I just defined what an angel is. It was good to spend time with Stephanie.
I met Stephanie at the mortuary the next morning to dress Mom’s body. What a sacred experience that was for me. I know her spirit was not in the body, but I believe it was near. What a privilege it was to give loving care to the body that had housed her spirit for nearly 89 years. When we put her temple dress on, I knew all was well. She looked right; she looked at peace. The mortuary had not done her hair yet or applied any make-up to her face, so when I saw her later in the casket, I felt even better—that all had been done to make her body ready for the grave.
And then the fun began as we picked up Jared, Ariane, and Haley from the airport. We drove to Café Rio for a late lunch and met Lindsey and the kids there. What a joyous reunion. I know I see you on Facetime often and talk with you on the phone, but a hug is so much better—so thank you for that. It was fun to see everyone joking, laughing, and just enjoying being together. Unexpected moments—unexpected joys.
The viewing—which wasn’t a viewing, went well. Peter said the Family Prayer promptly at 5:30. The funeral director said we could have some time to say good-bye to our mom and grandmother, but I guess most of the people there had already said their good-byes. Stephanie was anxious to close the casket as other people (non-family) were starting to come. We lovingly placed the veil on her head and covered her face and closed the casket. Grandma is the last of her siblings to return home. Many of my Drechsel cousins came to the viewing, as well as ward members, and friends of my siblings. It was also nice to visit with my brothers and their families as well as Stephanie’s children. It was probably a long night for Dad and you because you didn’t know very many people—only your own cousins. But it was nice to see family and friends that I have not seen in a very long time—25-35 years? It’s all about the family—somehow, we are still connected even though it has been a long time—the blood runs very thick. Barbara and Bruce came near the end of the night, so Dad got to see at least one member of his family.
There was a much better turn-out for the graveside services than I expected. The service was very brief, but there was time to mingle and talk to people again. Many of my cousins returned as well as ward members. And then it was over. I thought later that we had missed an opportunity to talk about Grandma and the life she lived. I overheard at least one conversation where a grandchild said that they really didn’t have a relationship with her and really didn’t know her. Here was an opportunity to share her story and build on the legacy of those who came before her. If indeed each life touches ours for good, we must know how they touched our life and what imprint they made on the sands of life. By sharing memories of my mother, we would have all been lifted and come to know her as others had. It would have been interesting to hear from other family members whose experiences with Grandma would have been so different from our own, as ours would have been different from theirs. We should have shared these memories at the luncheon. I’m glad we as a family took the time later that night to share a few memories amongst ourselves.
I had some more tender moments with Teddy and Claire while the others went to the temple. After I got them ready for bed, we snuggled together in the rocking chair and I read stories. By then Claire was completely accepting of me. I would love to do that with each of my grandchildren—even though some would probably think they were too old for that. I want all my grandchildren to know me—to feel my love for them, to understand my testimony of the Gospel, and to know my hopes and dreams for them. I want them to know their ancestors and the legacy they have passed down so that it will strengthen their resolve to live such that they, too, can pass down a legacy of faith, love, service, sacrifice, and testimony. I think we shared a little bit of that legacy as we each received a Priesthood blessing that night. During those blessings I felt the veil was very thin as Dad and Jared called down the blessings of heaven over each of us.
So, you can see that this week was truly a gift. I could not have known how precious it would be. My heart was filled with love and joy. I do not mourn my mother’s passing, but celebrate her reunion with loved ones, and her freedom from the restrictions of mind and body. I will miss her, and my heart is still tender knowing that I will not see her again in this life. But all is well.
Med kærlighed, Mom
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